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The bonds created when two individuals marry is of major importance to people in most cultures. Many customs govern the choosing of a suitable marriage partner. Our own culture, as we will see, appears to give us freedom of choice of whom to marry; however, there are customs governing the selection of a suitable marriage partner. When people get married they form kinship ties that link them to their new families. But those families are already linked to other kin. How do people decide whom they should marry? In some cultures the parents make the decision; in others, a matchmaker might be employed, and in others, such as our own, the marrying couple usually decide with whom they will marry. What are the consequences of these decisions? I also suggest you review a few pages that are extracted from a book discussing the concept of “love” and human sexuality. The citation for the book is: Middleton, Dwight R. 2002. Exotics and Erotics: Human Cultural and Sexual Diversity. Prospect Heights, IL: Waveland Press, pp.58-66. It is available through electronic reserves.
Protocol
1. For your project interview people from at least four different relationships. Interview two persons from two different married relationships and at least two people from relationships where the couples broke off their engagement (or stopped going steady). At least one of the four must be a non-US native, born in another culture. You do not have to interview the married persons as a couple, in fact it is better if you don’t. It is best practice to interview an informant one on one and not in the company of others. To do so might make the interview more difficult and less frank.
Again, the four interviews must come from the following categories:
a) two different, separate people who are married, but unrelated to each other or to you.
b) two, unrelated, separate persons who broke off their engagement or extended relationship (more than 18 months) before marriage, one of whom may have been or is now divorced
c) one of the four persons interviewed must have been born and raised in another country besides the USA.
Your principal goal is to find WHAT ATTRACTED THEM TO EACH OTHER. WHAT SPECIFIC CHARACTERISTICS DID THE OTHER HAVE THAT THEY LIKED? YOU SHOULD TRY AND THINK ABOUT WHAT ROLE THEIR FAMILIES PLAYED IN CHOOSING OR INFLUENCING THEIR CHOICE OF WHOM TO MARRY. Look for such things as specifics regarding family background, religion, specific physical characteristics, class affiliation educational background, church affiliation, sense of humor, wealth, etc. For the married informants, also ask them questions about how they met, why they fell in love or decided to get married. Though this is not as important as finding out what led them to pick each other to get married, you may also discuss with them how their relationship has evolved since they met or since they married and whether their relationship with their in-laws has changed since they married. Also ask if their families were supportive or disapproving of their decision to marry, and how their families were involved in the wedding plans and wedding ceremony. Ask them how the relationship with their in-laws has developed over time. Finally ask them if there were any reasons other than romance (such as economic or financial) why they got married. Of course, you are not limited to just these questions.
For the informants who broke off a relationship discuss with them how they met the person they did not marry, what led them to consider marriage in the first place, and what happened or why they did not get married to that person. Ask them also about the specific traits that attracted them to the other person in the first place and whether they changed their mind about those traits later when they wanted a permanent relationship. Ask them if their parents played a role in their marriage, and whether there were any financial or economic reasons why they did not get married. Couples who are living together for at least five years should be counted as a married couple for the purposes of this assignment and so would not be eligible for the second group, but are OK for the first group.
2. You must have at least four different interviews. A couple in the same relationship counts as only one interview.
3.. You must not interview a person who is a close relative (e.g., parents, siblings, parents-in-law)!
4. Write up your findings. See the guidelines for the report below.
THE REPORT:
The report should be at least six pages in length.
1. Body of the Report: The body of the report (65-75% of the report) should indicate:
the full names and ages of the people you interviewed, put their names in bold and clearly indicate by underlining which informant is the international informant.
when and where you interviewed them
how you found them
the specific, attracting reasons and traits of the person they married or were in love with
something about their families, their backgrounds, your personal observations about them
other information you learned from them during the interviews families, and their religion, etc.
2. Analysis in the Report: (At least 25% of the report) You must also analyze what your informants said.
summarize from the four interviews what were common traits and attracting points
discuss our customs regarding the choice of marriage partner from your interviews (age, looks, social classes, wealthy, good family, religious, etc.
similarities and differences among the couples and how to account for them
comparison of these with customs of other cultures we have read about.
Which characteristics were the key ones (other than love) that led them to decide for (or against) marrying?
Your paper should also compare the American system of finding and marrying a partner you researched in this exercise with the systems you have read about or saw in films in this course.
3. You must have at least two references, none of which may be non-Wikipedia or non-newspaper articles. Please use references that are actual book references or references from serious journals. Make sure you cite those books and articles in the body of the paper, too, as well as in a final references cited section at the end. It is good practice to always note where you have borrowed ideas or information from other sources in the body of the paper.
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