Talk about how UCHICAGO was my number one choice last year but I was rejected. Now i am applying as a transfer because i am motivated to attend. In addition, dont make this about my major which I am thinking of it being political science or economics. tailor this to be about university of chicago and how much it could help me as a person and how tight knit the community is. DO REALLY GOOD RESEARCH ON THE UNIVERSITY OF CHICAGO. Here is something interesting I have done. I have founded an organization in India that supplies food to different gurudawaras to feed anyone that comes to the specific sites. Currently, I have 10 gurudawaras I send money for food to and 1 gurudawara I had constructed that serves people. These places serve as a place of worship for anyone, not just Sikhs, and a place to feed those that come including the poor representing equality. Currently, I fund all this from land I had inherited from my grandfather that I rent out and land I have acquired due to recent investment. From the rent, I invest into the food. Talk about how UChicago could help me further my goals with this organization and help me network to make this organization reach out to many more people. relate this to my life. i also love learning about ethnic conflicts in the middle east talk about that. discuss particular events that happen in uchicago that i would like to be part of. make this very personalized.
Poorly written. It just does not flow. The first paragraph you are very redundant and you do not describes thinfs well enough. The second paragraph your ideas do not connect well. And third paragraph you dont argue about how beneficial the majors are properly. I was very dissatisfied when you explained middle eastern studies. Instead of middle eastern studies, write about political science major. I think it will be easier to write about because the middle eastern studies is hard to discuss. So now change it to economics and political science. I think it will help you in writing a better essay.
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